To Be Or Not To Be...

I like to think of myself as a pretty polite person. My parents certainly raised me to have good manners and I really think that was a good thing that I adhere to whenever I can.

The question is, though, when is it OK to stop being polite? What does it take for a reasonable person to be pushed beyond the limits of polite tolerance?

Today two things happened. Both of them brought into question the appropriate application of manners.

Situation 1: Today I went out to lunch with 3 friends. Admittedly we went into the nasty part (read: the mall) of the city right in the middle of the post-Christmas sale rush. This was obviously a mistake. (gotta love hindsight)

We went to a small café slightly out of the way. Apparently it wasn’t out of the way enough, however. Firstly the only table that was available was one that had been recently vacated. So the previous occupant’s dishes remained on the table.

Next we weren’t offered menus. Fair enough. It was quite busy. We borrowed one from a neighboring table.

Next we eventually had to go ask the waitress if it might be likely we would be able to order soon. These things happen. Annoying, but I can live with it. In response, she came over and cleared the table then disappeared for quite some time.

Eventually she returned. We managed to order. With effort. I’d be willing to bet that she was a temp brought in just for the Christmas rush period, based purely on the fact that she seemed completely unfamiliar with any item on the menu and made us point them out for her before after stating what we wanted before we could have our lunch requests committed to the notepad.

After a ridiculous amount of time the food started to arrive. Not only was it not the food that we had ordered, but it was also awful. Some time after this we thought maybe it would be a good idea to go find our absent waitress again to see if we could track down the mystery of where our drinks were.

The drinks were also not what we ordered. Mentioning the fact that a bitter lemon (as per the menu) might actually be different from a lemon, lime and bitters was met with a raised eyebrow and a “that’s not the way we do it here”.

Needless to say, by the end of our (semi-inedible) lunch, nobody was impressed.

What would have been the appropriate response to this situation?

Situation 2: I finish work and hop onto a fairly crowded train to get home. I notice with delight that there is a large area with nobody sitting in the seats, and, assuming it is due to the reduced number of commuters during the holiday period, take a seat.

I soon discover why the seats are empty. I’m sitting next to a guy smelling strongly of urine. Apart from that fact he seems reasonably sane. He’s not doing anything wrong. Do I move seats? Do I get up at the next station and pretend I’m getting off and get on at another carriage? Should I care? Don’t I have the right to move seats on public transport whenever I feel like it? What if he gets offended and I hurt his feelings? What if he doesn’t know he smells like wee? What if he does and he’s trying to cause trouble and he yells at me for moving?

What do you do?

….Answers (at least to what actually happened, not to what should have happened) in tomorrow’s installment….